The Simpsons: Groundskeeper Willie

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Groundskeeper Willie is a fictional character in the animated television comedy The Simpsons, voiced by Dan Castellaneta. He is the school's groundskeeper, with a head of receding flaming red hair and an outrageously exaggerated Scottish accent. He consumes strong Scotch whisky from a flask he keeps onhis person. His years of heavy work have given him an amazingly muscled physique.

It has been observed many times, notably when he dug into a well to save Bart, who had fallen in during a scheme gone wrong, the time he rescued the boy--again--from a marauding timber wolf by wrestling it into submission, and an occassion in which he had to crawl through ventilation shafts to retrieve Santa's Little Helper. Needing some assistance to get through the narrow tunnels, he turns to Lunchlady Doris to coat him with oil, with the memorable lines, "Lunchlady Doris, Have you got any grease?" She replies by saying, "Yes. Yes we do." Willie bellows "Then grease me up, woman!" as he dramatically tears his shirt open, to which she replies, "Okey-dokey." Bart, however, isn't the most grateful child, and is more than willing to make the man the butt of frequent jokes. One of these pranks, involving creamed corn and a pump, actually destroyed Willie's tarpaper shack on the edge of campus and broke his leg; an enraged Wille sought a violent revenge, and it was up to Lisa to smooth things over.

Sometimes, Willie wears a kilt. He does not, however, wear anything under the kilt - the mark of a true Scotsman. At Scotchtoberfest, Bart attaches a number of balloons to Willie's kilt. This led to the kilt flying up. The gathered crowd gasped, and one woman fainted. In response, Willie cried, "Ach! 'Tis no more than what God gave me, you puritan pukes!"

In the second part of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?", Willie has his kilt on while being interviewed by the police. During the interview Willie uncrosses and then recrosses his legs. In response, the officers point a gun at Willie with a warning to stop doing that. The scene was a spoof of Sharon Stone's interrogation scene from the film Basic Instinct.

In the episode "Monty Can't Buy Me Love", Willie is re-united with his mother and father on the banks of Loch Ness, Scotland, where Mr. Burns leads a successful expedition to catch the Loch Ness Monster - Nessie - and bring it to Springfield.

According to Superintendent Chalmers, Willie is an escaped patient from a mental hospital that Skinner hired. According to Willie, he has worked at the school for 20 years, just as long as Principal Skinner, so he was likely hired soon after Skinner got his job.

At one time, Willie was engaged to Sherry Bobbins (a parody of Mary Poppins), until she recovered her eyesight--at which point, in Willie's words, "suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her anymore."

Willie's hobbies include videotaping couples in cars, something which proves to the benefit of Homer Simpson when he is later wrongfully accused of sexual harassment. He says America thinks it's wrong but every Scotsman does it. Compare: Hagrid from the Harry Potter books and films.

Willy drives a tractor most of the time, the make of which is also Willy. However he also owns a James Bond-esque sportscar that runs on high octane fuel and has a built in television transceiver.

Willie's nationality is also hinted to be the cause of his hostility. Example:

Willie: "Brothers and sisters are natural born enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! And Welshmen and Scots! And Japanese and Scots! And Scots and other Scots! Lousy Scots! They ruin Scotland..."

Skinner: "You Scots sure are a contentious people."

Willie: "You just made an enemy for life!"

It was recently revealed that Willie's personal enemy is another Groundskeeper that speaks with a heavy Irish accent: Seamus. The two blame each other for whatever goes wrong with their lives, and engage in fistfights every now and then. Seamus looks a lot like Willie, except that he is taller and thinner, and wears a hat.

When Homer pretended to be a Scot and said to Willie that he was from "North Kilt-Town," Willie responded: "Noo fooling, I'm from North Kilt town too! You know Angus McLeod?" This goes on until Homer accuses Willie of not being Scottish, and Willie suprisingly agrees.

Willie claims to be deaf from a mishap with a boiler and reads lips (though somewhat unsuccessfully). He also revealed in a recent episode that he wears contact lenses.

One of his best-known quotes is "There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!".

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