The Simpsons: Milhouse

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In the animated series The Simpsons, the Van Houten family consists of the father Kirk, the mother Luann, and their son Milhouse. Of the three, Milhouse has the largest role within the show. All three look alike: cobalt-blue hair, red coke-bottle glasses, and giant toucan noses.

Milhouse Van Houten is Bart Simpson's best friend, and is most distinctive for his extreme nearsightedness requiring thick glasses to correct. Despite his nerdish behavior Milhouse is actually quite stupid and has terrible people skills. He is constantly led into trouble by the wilder Bart, who is not shy about taking advantage of his naïve and trusting friend.

Milhouse harbors a hopeless crush on Bart's younger sister, Lisa. However, the nature of his sexual orientation is actually left rather ambiguous, as the running joke about Milhouse is that he is gay. (Lisa thinks of him "more like a big sister."). When Homer fears that Bart may also be gay in one episode, his fears are exacerbated by finding Bart and Milhouse wearing dresses, jumping up and down on a bed, and singing "Sisters are Doing it For Themselves." Another episode saw an event where the school counselor accidentally revealed that he had assessed Milhouse to be gay.

It is rumored that Milhouse was based on the famous "Paul" on the show The Wonder Years, as well as Milhouse's mother and father. He was named for Richard Nixon (whose middle name was Milhous) and, apparently, Charles Manson follower Leslie Van Houten. The family name was first used in the third season episode "Homer Defined."

Initially Milhouse's father Kirk Van Houten worked at the cracker factory, in middle management, while wife Luann was a normal, boring homemaker. Later in the series, Kirk and Luann got divorced. When Luann leaves, Kirk gets fired from the factory (since his boss considers crackers a 'family food'). He moves into a rundown singles community and tries to start a new career as a singer-songwriter. His demo tape, Can I Borrow a Feeling? left Homer in hysterics. Kirk has since been portrayed as a stereotypical middle-aged male loser. Meanwhile, Luann is now using her freedom as a single mom to live life in the fast lane. Luann has been dating American Gladiator Pyro, but was caught cheating on him with his best friend Gyro. Kirk was put in jail in Pranksta Rap for kidnapping Bart.

Quotes by Milhouse Van Houten

• "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
• "So this is what it feels like when doves cry."
• "Look out Itchy! He's Irish!"
• "I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart."
• "Remember Alf? He's back! In pog form!"
• "Why do you have a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata."
• "It's called lice, and it's nothing to be ashamed of!"
• "I'll kick your butt! (pauses) At Nintendo."
• "Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?"
• "Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know."
• "But I'm all Milhouse! Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school!"
• Bart: "Well, if your soul's real, where is it?"
  Milhouse: "It's kinda in here... and when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Saying 'God bless you' crams it back in. And when you die, it squirms out and flies away!"
  Bart: "What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean?"
  Milhouse: "Oh, it can swim! It's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetery."
• "How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy."
• "You promised fudgicles. So, where are the fudgicles?"
• "A movie with just two women?! Who'd want to watch that?"
• Bart: "So how's it feel to ride a girl's bike?"
  Milhouse: "It's disturbingly comfortable."
• "I'm a real human boy! I have feelings, just like you!"
• "But my mom says I'm cool."
• "Their hands were everywhere."

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