The Simpsons: Moe

By Wikipedia

Moe Szyslak (pronounced SIZZ-lack; or, using Polish pronunciation, SHISS-lack) is a fictional character on the animated series The Simpsons, voiced by Hank Azaria. Moe is the proprietor of Moe's Tavern ("Where nobody knows your name"—a spoof on the Cheers theme song, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name"), the regular drinking hole of Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, and others. Hank Azaria says Moe's voice is based on Al Pacino...with a sore throat, that is.

Moe's full name is either Momar Szyslak or Morris Szyslak. His ethnicity is unclear, since he is embarrassed by his past and does his best to conceal it publicly. He is generally thought to be an Italian immigrant, though he has also claimed to be Russian ("Flaming Moe's") Dutch (season 15), and from the U.S. state of Indiana. His last name, Szyslak, suggests Eastern European ancestry, most likely Polish or Hungarian. As far as religion is concerned, Moe was "born a snakehandler" and "will die a snakehandler," although he has also practiced voodoo and black magic in various episodes, such as "The Joy of Sect."

Back-story

Allegedly, as a child Moe was a member of the original Little Rascals TV show, playing the role of the tough kid, "Smelly." Unfortunately he lost this job when he killed the original Alfalfa. This is likely a tall tale considering how old it would make him. At the age of ten he was then abandoned by his parents at a summer camp, where he worked as a cook (making him roughly the same age as Homer)

As a young man Moe was a successful boxer. He fought under various names, first "Kid Gorgeous", then "Kid Presentable", then "Kid Gruesome", and finally "Kid Moe". Accordingly, he claims to have been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, and pug fugly (although he was surprised to have been called "ugly-ugly").

When his boxing career ended he went to bartender college and after he graduated he opened his own tavern, a job he has held ever since.

It is also implied at one point that Moe has a cow's heart, and is thus "aging six years for every one."

Moe's Tavern

Moe's Tavern is located on a street corner, neighboring King Toot's Music Store. Across the street was a factory formerly owned by Bart Simpson, until it collapsed. The inside of the bar has a few pool tables and a dartboard. It is very dank and "smells like tinkle." A small stage stands at one end; Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Be Sharps and Krusty the Clown (during his "rebel comic" phase) have all performed there. Because female customers are so rare, Moe frequently uses the women's restroom as an office. Moe claimed that there haven't been any ladies at Moe's since 1979 (though earlier episodes show otherwise). A jar of pickled eggs perpetually stands on the bar. In Homer's Barbershop Quartet, a flashback shows the bar with the name Moe's Cavern in reference to the Cavern Club where the Beatles got their start. Moe's was briefly converted into a family restaurant called Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag. Moe also once revamped his tavern for yuppie hipsters, renaming the bar "M." When Homer's cocktail drink was popular, Moe renamed his tavern "Flaming Moe's." During this time, at least, he had many customers, including females. In "Who Shot Mr. Burns", Moe's Tavern was forced to close down because Mr. Burns slant-drilling operation near the tavern caused pollution that was unsafe. The bar was feigned to be a pet shop during an episode in which alcohol was forbidden. Moe's was also revamped as a British pub in partnership with Marge Simpson because of a bank loan to Moe, foolishly secured by Homer by a mortgage on the Simpson's house. When Homer convinced the town that the rapture was coming, Moe sold his bar to Japanese businessmen who converted it into a sushi restaurant.

Bartending abilities

Moe's Tavern is probably not the birthplace of the Rob Roy, despite what Moe claims. Despite having a degree in bartending, Moe is horrible at mixing drinks, and Duff Beer is pretty much the only thing he serves. The only other notable drink that he mixes is the Flaming Moe (originally called the Flaming Homer, the recipe for which he stole from Homer without acknowledging it). He once pointed out that the liquor bottles that appeared to be behind the bar were actually painted on the wall. Moe's Tavern has a Rhode Island liquor license which expired in 1973 and was signed by Moe himself.

Love life

Moe is typically single, although he had a girlfriend once for a short time named Renee (voiced by Helen Hunt - Season 9, Ep.5F12), as well as a girlfriend in the short "The Love-matic Grampa." However, one love he has kept true to his heart since Season 5 (Secrets of a Successful Marriage) is that of Marge Simpson, whom he commonly pet-named "Midge." At first, Moe saw Marge simply as a cute toy whom he developed a little crush on. But, as time went on, his feelings grew deeper and more serious. Finally, Moe told Marge that he didn't just like her, but that he actually loved her, in Season 16 (Mommie Beerest) but she gently let him down and explained that Homer will always be her true love. Moe is said to be quite physically unattractive, which may partially account for his perpetual loneliness. He also has a rather chronically bad sense of judgment (not to mention lack of tact) in dealing with females, and while participating in a bachelor's auction he said his favorite quality in a woman was one who would "take their clothes off for money." Because of his loneliness, Moe is often depressed, suicidal and mean-tempered.

Moe is often angry and aggressive, with a borderline sociopathic appetite for violence; he regularly threatens his customers, friends, and complete strangers, and his advice on forming friendships ends with giving someone "the old fork in the eye." He even has an "enemies list," which is really a copy of Richard Nixon's, to which he added Barney Gumble's name when Barney pointed this out.

Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl are virtually his only customers, upon whom he depends for friendship as well as to keep the bar afloat. This has not stopped him from periodically banning them, especially Homer, however, for offenses ranging from going to other bars to prejudices even he can't stomach, such as Homer's "herophobia," displayed when he brought Lisa in with a speech denouncing Jebediah Springfield. He always lets them back in eventually, however.

Along with Homer, Moe is indirectly responsible for Barney's alcoholism, as he has been feeding him booze for decades despite (or maybe because of) the obviously debilitating effects it has on his life. Without Barney, Moe's Tavern would go broke, so Moe goes to great lengths to make sure Barney stays drunk. Barney is even Moe's coworker in a way: Moe employs people to distract him from the midnight beer delivery, and Barney makes his living sucking coins from the pinball machine. When Barney quit drinking, Moe ensured that he would continue to profit from him by starting a coffee business after finding out that coffee was Barney's replacement addiction.

Moe does have a gentle side, however, having been known to read books for sick children and homeless people (he threatened Ned with violence should he reveal this fact.) In Moe Baby Blues, when Moe was contemplating suicide by jumping off a bridge, he unexpectedly saved the life of Maggie Simpson and then found meaning to his own life by looking after her.

Shady business

Moe has used his bar as a front for a number of illegal businesses, including a panda-smuggling ring, a killer whale smuggling ring, a Russian roulette game (in an homage to The Deer Hunter), an unlicensed casino, and a speakeasy during a brief period in which Springfield enforced Prohibition. He has also helped to ransackall Springfield science institutes, and even (accidentally) broke into his own bar to steal the cash register amidst a town-wide riot. When Homer informed him his pants were expensive, Moe ordered him to give them to him at gunpoint, saying "Yeah, I rob now."

His claim to fame was the "Flaming Moe," a lit specialty drink whose secret ingredient is Krusty the Klown brand cough syrup. The "Flaming Moe" provided the bar with its one brief era of incredible success. It stood to make him a fortune, until Homer, the true inventor of the drink, exposed the secret ingredient, allowing several competitor knockoff drinks to spawn.

Prank calls

Moe is frequently the victim of prank telephone calls from Bart Simpson, often followed by a violent threat of vengeance from Moe. Bart's calls to Moe have asked for:

• Maya Buttreeks
• Anita Bath (Both this and Maya Buttreeks were used by Bart as fictious children's names when Moe was applying as a Substitute for Bart's Class in "The PTA Disbands")
• Al Coholic
• I.P. Freely
• Oliver Klozof
• Ollie Tabooger (backfired; Homer was running the bar at the time and didn't understand the joke)
• Jacques Strap
• Seymour Butts
• Homer Sexual
• Mike Rotch
• Bea O'Problem
• Amanda Huggenkiss
• Hugh Jass (backfired; there was a Hugh Jass present)
• Ivana Tinkle
• Heywood U. Cuddleme (This prank call was done on a telegraph, as the Simpsons were living in a house from 1895 when Bart did this one)
• I'm a stupid moron, with an ugly face, and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt. (When, in a Halloween episode, Bart had a Twilight Zone-esque power to transform people effectively blackmailing Moe into saying it despite the obviousness of the prank)

Homer once called and asked for "Eura Snotball", the gag intentionally backfiring so Homer can threaten Moe. Mr. Burns once tried to call Smithers when he was on vacation and typed in SMITHERS on his "telephone machine". Asking for "Smithers, first name Waylon", Moe presumed it was a prank and threatened him.

Customers

Barney Gumble

Barney Gumble is single, an alcoholic (after being introduced to beer by Homer Simpson as a teenager), and living in a incredibly messy apartment near the state penitentary(or sometimes right above Moe's bar), Barney arguably remains Homer's best friend. His desperation for alcohol has been the source of many jokes. He remains friendly and good-natured despite his unfortunate condition. In early episodes, he appears to be a parody of Barney Rubble -- similar appearance, hair color, clothing color, just much larger in size. He manages to make a living selling his body for medical experiments, which has led to some interesting changes. Barney has demonstrated considerable talents as a singer, filmmaker, astronaut, orator, painter, helicopter pilot, and snow plow driver, but keeps getting foiled by his various addictions. He has drunk a can of turpentine, a bottle of brake fluid and even a cup of quarters at Mr Burns' Casino.

In "Days of Wine and D'ohses", Barney finally kicked the alcoholism and transferred his addiction to espresso, which led to the disappearance of his trademark belch. He had a relapse in "I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can" and was back on the sauce in "My Big Fat Geek Wedding" (in a scene that was a parody of Jimmy Stewart's Harvey). By the end of season 15 he was back in all his fat, lovable, belching glory.

Barney's bar tab was so large that Moe had to send it to NASA to get it calculated. Though the initial number Moe gave was actually the cost of a space shuttle, Barney's was still in the millions.

Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo

Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo has the worst name Moe ever heard, and is a friend to Barney and a patron of Moe's Tavern. Homer once inadvertently offended him while trying to make up a fake name.

Guy Incognito

Guy Incognito was someone who looks exactly like Homer but has a moustache. When Homer was (temporarily) banned from Moe's bar, Guy walked in with a phony-sounding accent, and was quickly thrown out.

Misc. regulars

Lenny, Carl, Barney Gumble the town drunk, and occasionally Charlie, Homer's colleagues at the nuclear plant, also frequent Moe's.

Burns and Smithers

Having sold the nuclear plant, Mr. Burns and Smithers stopped in for a drink before being kicked out.

Famous Patrons

Stephen Hawking, U2 (and many others)

Others

Barflies named Sam and Larry, the owner of King Toots, all the characters in the show voiced by Jon Lovitz drinking at once (a good sight gag), a man with glasses that are out of focus, an unnamed person who has a cowlick and easily passes out, a homosexual man who was under the impression that it was a gay bar, and a woman from Seasons 2-4 have appeared. As animation goes, though, they were mostly pushed out of the show. Now Moe's clientele includes Barney, Homer, Lenny, Carl, and people with problems (i.e. Apu's romantic gifts, Principal Skinners' cold feet at the altar, etc.).

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